Kate Ragatz '25
The countdown to Valentine’s Day begins once again. For some, Valentine’s Day is a day to look forward to; yet for many, the very thought of Valentine’s Day brings a sense of dread, a visceral feeling of unease in our stomachs. Whether you are looking forward to the day or not, I believe it is time that we reclaim the holiday from a day of idealized and commercialized romantic love to a celebration of universal love and human connection.
Growing up, Valentine’s Day ranked alongside Christmas and my birthday as one of my favorite “holidays.” I warmly recall each and every student in my kindergarten class making cards for one another, often accompanied by pieces of candy and a nice note. The pink-stained notes, forced as they were, meant a lot to me. Even the sweet candy, which was eventually outlawed by my school’s Parent Association, helped to remind me of our class’s care and connection with one another–our underlying love for one another despite what happened on the playground or at the playdate. Our classroom, adorned with pink and red hearts and decorations, was another reminder of how much our community cared for one another. The warmth I felt on that day was real, and I could tell by my classmates’ bright smiles and laughs that this warmth was widely experienced. While this love wasn’t romantic, nor had we even grasped the enormity of this term, Valentine’s was a day to experience universal love and kindness, and to celebrate friendship.
As I got older, the excitement around this seemingly joyous day waned as the meaning of the holiday dramatically changed for me. Now, Valentine’s Day to me is a celebration of only a specific kind of love: romantic love idealized by portraits of perfect romances, creating pressures on both couples and those looking for the unattainable “perfect” relationship. “Fairy tale” love stories cloud the real and sometimes complicated work of building connections. Valentine’s Day has become the poster child for our over-stimulated, over-commercialized culture, intent on finding quick fixes to our underlying cravings for a deeper connection. And for those without a romantic “significant” other, Valentine’s Day feels like a day of judgment–a spotlight on emptiness as defined and painted by society as abnormal.
On top of this, the rise of social media use by teens has created a lasting negative image of Valentine’s day, specifically for kids in high school. For example, stories of lavish Valentine’s gifts fill Instagram and Tik Tok feeds. In some ways, Valentine’s Day has become a symbol of what commercialization and self-focused mindsets have done to several holidays (i.e. Christmas). According to the National Retail Federation, advertisers drive the $21.8 billion that US adults spent on Valentine-related goods in 2021. Our love has become monetized, driven by large companies and the United States commercial system convincing people to “love” one another by spending money on Valentine’s goods.
Valentine’s Day has become so centered on romantic love that we as a global society have forgotten about universal love: love for your parents, friends, teachers, and all others around you. Yes, your significant other deserves recognition for the connection and support they may bring you, but so do your friends–those whose shoulder you cry on when that relationship falters, and your family–those that have helped you to become who you are and those that support you on life’s journey, and for the others in your community—teachers, advisors, the dining staff, the facilities staff, etc. All of those people, who may either be in the scene or behind the scene, but work so hard and bring so much to us in thousands of ways, deserve love and an expression of the love and gratitude we have for them. Most importantly, you deserve self-love and appreciation. Unfortunately, these other people, deserving of love but not necessarily fitting into the ”mold” of Valentine’s relationships, are now mostly ignored on Valentine’s Day in favor of objects of our romantic desires.
Let’s take back Valentine’s Day. As a community, we need to reject the primacy of a me-centered love, and instead embrace boundless love and gratitude for those around us. For Buddhists, this is called “Metta”– a global love and compassion for everyone. I encourage everyone, especially in the midst of COVID-19, to remember the feelings of love, appreciation, and acknowledgment that we have all felt and express them to those around you–whether that be through a virtual hug or a note of thanks. I assure you that you will feel the warmth of Valentine’s Day like never before. Let’s make Valentine’s Day our own.
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