Ella S. Klaerner '21
In this opinion editorial, a senior explores the toxic masculinity that plagues campus and how she feels it affects girls.
Michelle Ding, Unsplash, DAZED
"You don’t have to explicitly hate women to be a misogynist. If you contribute to the harmful rhetoric that isolates and berates women, you are a part of the problem. If you allow your male counterparts to speak in a manner that belittles women, you are a part of the problem. "
Misogyny has plagued Earth since the beginning of time. From societal inequity to sexual assault, it sinks its venomous teeth into humanity, managing to infect every crevice of the world.
Maybe the disease of misogyny began with the idea that men and women are inherently different beings. As cited in Catie Foertsch’s “The Deepest Root of Catholic Misogyny: The Poisonous Story of Adam and Eve,” perhaps it started with the identification of females with sin, perpetuated by “innocent” stories like that of Adam and Eve that led to “2,000 years of persecution and subjugation of women from historical killings and torture to the controlling, self-crushing beliefs still taught in today’s world.” The story of Adam and Eve led women to be perceived as “weak, seductive, and evil, the cause of Adam’s [and therefore all men’s] disobedience” from Pamela Milne of The Washington Post.
These misogynistic ideas regarding women are easy to translate into a modern context: Was she drinking? How late was it? What was she wearing? Even things as seemingly innocent as dress codes are deeply rooted in misogyny; In “Institutionalizing Consent Myths in Grade School,” Shawn E. Fields writes, “Educators and sociologists have argued that dress codes amplify a broader societal expectation: that women are the ones who need to protect themselves from unwanted attention and that those wearing what could be considered sexy clothing are 'asking for' a response."
You don’t have to explicitly hate women to be a misogynist. If you contribute to the harmful rhetoric that isolates and berates women, you are a part of the problem. If you allow your male counterparts to speak in a manner that belittles women, you are a part of the problem. Andrea Dworkin says “Women are perceived to be appalling failures when we are sad. Women are pathetic when we are angry. Women are ridiculous when we are militant. Women are unpleasant when we are bitter, no matter what the cause. Women are deranged when women want justice. Women are man-haters when women want accountability and respect from men.”
So what does this mean for the boys of Cate school?
My campaign to bring attention to this issue began with an Instagram story. Nowadays, it feels like all forms of activism--performative or otherwise--start this way. I was upset at the behavior of the boys of Cate School. I felt undermined, undervalued, and unheard, so I wrote out and posted a paragraph about the mistreatment of girls at Cate: “I know some [Cate school] boys like to make ‘jokes’ and mock people's feelings or experiences to a harmful extent. It’s because they have such a crippling sense of entitlement and a terrible superiority complex that the school does not attempt to challenge head-on. And honestly, I’m exhausted. I feel judged and continuously invalidated. I feel like I can’t even enjoy things or fight for what I believe in without a boy acting like, to be right, I have to prove my beliefs to him and seek his approval. It’s not all men. But if you have to convince yourself of that, maybe you’re part of the problem.”
I didn’t expect an influx of messages from many Cate students, past and present, in response. Many poured their hearts out to me. Paragraphs filled my Instagram inbox, resulting in a productive and healing conversation with a member of the administration. We discussed everything from Cate’s toxic and objectifying “hookup culture” to the disparity in the treatment of students in the freshmen boys and girls dorms. I emphasized the pain girls feel when the boys create lists of girls they want to “get with.” Suddenly, we’re reduced to names to be crossed off. I communicated the frustration of struggling in 25 House due to its stringent nature while hearing about LongHouse boys getting away with ridiculous and disruptive behavior.
Most importantly, I talked about how many girls are affected by the language used to demean them; from slut-shaming to fabricated stories, we’re continuously degraded by many boys at Cate School, yet we act like it’s normal. We accept--on some fundamental level--that “boys will be boys.” Maybe that’s why freshman boys could scream in the halls at 11:30 pm on a weekday, but the freshman girls couldn’t use the restroom until thirty minutes into study hours without getting a detention. Maybe that’s why girls are blatantly laughed at in classes by their male counterparts when sharing their opinions. Maybe that’s why we normalize senior boys--near men--pursuing freshman girls, then dropping them the next second, leaving them confused and disillusioned with our community.
I believe that the administration will try to address misogyny on campus, but we cannot place the entirety of this burden on them. We, as a community, need to take responsibility for our shortcomings. We need to be better.
I’m writing this for the boys who ridicule us. For the boys who scroll through social media out of boredom when girls discuss their experiences with sexual assault. For the boys who blame the victims. Cate boys--not all of you, as a reminder--I will not cater to you. I will not cater to people with whom I have to argue relentlessly for them to understand why I’m afraid to walk alone at night. Why I exclusively wear baggy clothing. Why this girl couldn’t go to the police or that girl should not be made fun of. For once, I’m begging you to be quiet and listen. Your contribution to misogynistic rhetoric and actions is incredibly harmful. Your lack of empathy and disregard for your peers scares me. I’m not going to blame the administration, your parents, or the longstanding impact of the story of Adam and Eve. You are old enough to know better. I hope you will reconsider participating in the harm of such an integral part of this community.
It isn’t just the girls of Cate school who are being mistreated by our willfully ignorant peers, though. It’s our students of color. Our LGBTQ+ students. Our Jewish students. Our Muslim students. Our students with disabilities. Our lower-income students. It’s too many of our valued members. For the spirit of this place, I’m asking us to be better, and I hold on to the hope that we can be.
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