Daisy Gemberling '25
Love is subjective; there is no singular definition for what “love” should look like. Whether it is an instant connection, a familial relationship, or one of the infinite variations of love, each of us has different parameters for the magical word “love.” Despite how unintelligible love seems to be, science has shown that it can be partially explained by brain chemistry.
A key feature of sexual love is lust. Driven by key hormones, testosterone, and estrogen, lust stems from the evolutionary need to reproduce. Responsible for producing feelings of sexual desire, both ensure the perpetuation of our species. Oftentimes, a romantic relationship will encompass sexual desire, but it isn’t a requisite. For this reason, the failure to recognize the subtle difference between lust and love in a relationship is vastly consequential.
Attraction is closely related to lust, but can also stand independently. The reason why the beginning of a romantic relationship often seems passionate and even overwhelming is due to the “reward” aspect of attraction. Those butterflies in your stomach and floods of dopamine are released when we participate in activities that feel good to us, including emotional bonding and sex. A related hormone, norepinephrine, is the chemical messenger that is responsible for feelings of zest and excitement. For this reason, in the early stages of a relationship, you might be so “in love” that basic bodily functions, like sleeping and eating, are forgotten in the euphoria. Besides a surge of norepinephrine, a reduction of serotonin, the neurotransmitter that equilibrates our appetite and mood, is another indicator of attraction. Intriguingly, obsessive-compulsive disorders are characterized by low serotonin levels, fueling speculation of serotonin as the “infatuation” hormone.
Last but not least, scientists have identified attachment as a principal component in long-lasting relationships and common social pleasantries. Examples of attachment include the bond between a parent and their child or the connection between two best friends. The brain chemicals that are responsible for attachment are oxytocin and vasopressin. Sex, childbirth, and breastfeeding are all instances where oxytocin is prevalent. Each of these activities is a precursor to bonding and attachment to follow. Similar to oxytocin, vasopressin increases closeness between mammals. Furthermore, this hormone regulates the circadian rhythm- a cycle that defines the 24 hours physical, behavioral, and mental changes of sleepfulness and wakefulness. Attachment or “the friend zone” is a key example of how each of these emotions and sensations is vastly different and shouldn’t automatically be intertwined.
When was the last time you felt lust or attraction? It’s possible that your body seemed to go haywire, and suddenly you were unable to string together a sentence. Well, now you know that such reactions are the result of neurotransmitters interacting in the brain. The feelings of lust, attraction, and attachment are driven by the brain, not by the heart as many may have mistaken.
Unfortunately, love can hurt. The cohort of hormones involved don’t just cause us to view the world through rose-colored glasses, they also contribute to erratic behavior, jealousy, and many other cynical moods. Dopamine levels surge for virtues and vices. Emotional dependence on partners as well as addictions causes the same regions of the brain as an attraction to fire. Further studies into the neurology of attachment have shown that too much oxytocin, while reinforcing positive emotions, also plays a role in ethnocentrism, increasing companionship with people who share similar traits.
Love, which can be the deepest interpersonal connection or the simplest affection, is controlled by the neurochemicals of your brain.
Wu, Katherine. “Love, Actually.” Science in the News, 2020, 23 Jan 2022, https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/
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